A letter to the year of hope

To the end of one the hardest, growth-filled, unpredictable years of my life – thank you. Thank you for teaching me a life worth living isn’t always what we expected for ourselves. Thank you for being challenging, both physically and mentally. 2022 brought me to my knees and forced me and my loved ones to reevaluate what is truly important. 2022 brought many personal hardships and brought light to the importance of paying attention to mental health, for both those around me and myself. Despite all the really hard moments, there were SO many good moments full of growth, and full of hope. 2022 was the year of discovering hope.

When you leave school and enter the real world, they don’t really prepare you for what the real world looks like in its entirety. Following the completion of my master’s program, I was beyond excited to get started with my job. I mean, why wouldn’t I be excited? I had spent 2+ years working for that exact moment; being a dietitian. I had always heard, “You’re not going to love your first job, but that is okay”. But to me, I expected to love any job that allowed me to practice nutrition… and boy, was I wrong. I landed a job at the same institution I had completed my internship, it was comfortable. No training was needed and I was able to hit the ground running, sounds great, right? Wrong, very wrong.

What people don’t talk about is the feeling of isolation when you aren’t happy in your workplace or with your job. With it being my first job, I kept thinking it was going to get better. “Just stick with it, Emily”, “Give it more time, Em. It will get better!”. But, what happens when it doesn’t get better? What happens when you begin to feel so stuck in the routine of daily life, and happiness slips away? I found myself crying on the way to work (more than once), and began to lose hope in my career. The only jobs open around me were similar to the ones I was in at the time. I began to question my career choice overall. I began to spiral.

What people don’t talk about is how the isolation turns into depression. The isolation causes you to question everything around you. Should I just move away and start over? Should I go back to school? Should I completely shift careers? As I began to lose hope in my career, I lost my spark with my platform and business. I began to withdrawal from people who matter most to me. How could I put out information and share my life when I felt like my life was a complete mess? To be completely honest, my personal health took a step back. I began to lose weight. The only food I would make for myself was frozen and only took 10 minutes. I lost my desire to be in the kitchen, something that previously brought me SO much joy!

Then, the reality of mental health and physical health hit myself and my loved ones like a tidal wave. I no longer could think about myself or worry about my job, because truthfully, I had much bigger things to worry about and take care of. When I look back at this time of the year, I am now grateful. This time allowed me to take the focus off of myself and my job, and forced me to pay attention to the things that matter most, family.

But, you can only push off your own mental health for so long. 2022 was the year I discovered therapy. And oh my gosh, was I missing out! Therapy is a service I wish people normalized more in our society. I wish people normalized talking about the hard times and the not so great thoughts. It makes me wonder if we did, would it bring our society closer? Would it save someone’s life that just needed transparency to know they weren’t alone?  So, if you have ever felt lost in your career, unhappy with your job, which ultimately turned into being unsure with yourself, me too. And, it’s okay to feel that way. It is okay to not have all the answers. The universe and God have a crazy way of figuring it all out.

Near the end of 2022 I received a call from my dream company, offering me a position. Just when I thought there was no hope left, it shined through. Hope for my career, hope for my future, and hope for mental health. It’s crazy to say out loud (or over typing), but I truly had not felt joy like i felt in that moment in my life before. Yes, it was an amazing opportunity, but the call was way more than that. The call was hope to continue and a nudge to keep swimming (Finding Nemo reference, duh!).

In 2022, I lost my spark and regained it in the same year. I learned you have to experience pretty deep lows to truly feel the highs of life. I rediscovered my place on this platform, to help others feel comfortable in their skin. To bring light to mental illness, both in the form of eating disorder awareness and general mental health that affects nutrition. 2022 taught me patience. Patience in sitting in the uncomfortable in order to figure out my place in this world. While I am so far from having this all figured out, I am finally at peace. At peace with the current moment and the whirlwind that was 2022.

So 2022, thank you. Thank you for the highs and the lows.

To 2023, I am so ready for you and I am at peace with whatever you have in store for me.

With love,

Emily